This is it. Today is the last day of 2009. Another year for the history books I suppose. Children were born, people died,Cheezits were eaten. Life continued despite job layoffs, major and minor catastrophes.In times of greatest distress it is sometimes hard to believe that time will continue on its inexorable march forward. There are points in our lives when we believe that time should stand still and take notice that our lives are forever changed. Perhaps it is better than it does not,for if time did freeze when someone died or went through divorce or some similar emotional catastrophe than those left behind would never heal. The wound would always be raw and fresh because it is the things like cleaning a closet out that help even though it may not seem like it at first. The amazing thing the people discover after doing something like that is that the pain that they feel is lessened if only by the smallest of increments and may be replaced by a little bit of happiness if the thought happens to occur to them that because they cleaned out the closet someone who needs it may now have a serviceable coat to keep warm with, and in this sad ending may find themselves standing at the edge of a new beginning. Somewhere it has been said, yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery and today is a gift that’s why it’s called the present. On the edgeof this new beginning remember that “this too shall pass.” If you need to say something to a particular person and haven’t yet for what ever reason or another find them and say it even though you may be a little worried about how they will react. I know from experience that the biggest regrets you will ever have in life will be the list of things you never said to someone because you thought you had more time. Trust me, even at the age of 24 I can tell you that it slips away faster then you could ever think possible.
Okay so 12:45 a.m. on Christmas eve but that’s close enough. Somewhere there is a song which contains the lyrics… “and so this is Christmas, and what have you done? Another year over and a new one just begun.”At least those are the lyrics unless my brain is being super uncooperative due to the early hour, however those are fairly close. Someone once said that doing what was right was not always the same as doing what was easy. These past several months have thrown that fact into the sharpest relief possible for me. This past year has been hard on everyone and my family is by no means an exception.Because of fairly recent events I have had to provide a fair amount of my family’s financial support. I love my family anyone who knows me will tell you that, but the situations we have been forced into have been downright scary at points and knowing that a large portion of the responsibility for keeping us afloat lists on my shoulders is a little bit daunting to say the least and very unwelcome. While in the military my mother learned a phrase that I grew to dislike vehemently, first as a child then as a teenager. “Suck it up and drive on,” means that even though things may get really bad sometimes in the end all you can do is swallow your anger, hurt, fear etc.and move on because life is going to be unfair and time spent dwelling on that fact is counterproductive. You do what you have to do and move on. I’m not saying that this is easy by any means and and I have vented my frustrations to other people numerous times believe me. They’re most likely truly sick of it by now. When push comes to shove however things are taken care of one way or another. A character from one of my favorite movies always said no matter what happened in the story that everything would be all right, when asked how the particular situation would end his reply was always, “I don’t know, it’s a mystery.” Guess what? He was right. No matter the darkness you travel through there is always a light at the end of the tunnel, no matter how far away it seems right now. I have been reminded recently that in Christmas there is always hope even though it may seem to be only the tiniest of threads it is still there.
Well it’s been about 5 1/2 months since my friend in Turkey left for the Army and I know I’m not the only one who thinks it was probably the longest 5 1/2 months ever. He’s got another four weeks (and yes it is exactly 4 weeks) and then he comes home. What amazes me is that even though “home” is not anywhere close to me I’m still absolutely thrilled. It amazes me how strong a bond can be no matter what the physical distance. If somebody can hog another person from over 1000 miles away I’m going to definitely do so.
Christmas is a time for celebrating, let it is also be a time to remember. I would like to remember a man who oddly enough I never met and who was taken from his friends far sooner than they would have liked.As I said before I did not have the privilege of knowing Alan Ferrazza a fact for which I am genuinely sorry. I do however know one of his good friends and because of this that I know I have missed out.Chris is one of the best people I’ve met and so I make the conclusion that I would have probably liked Alan very much if I had had the opportunity to meet him. And so I grieve for a friend who hurts me because one part of himself is changed forever and maybe just a little bit for myself but not for death. For myself that I had known him. Failing that I can only hope that my words help those left behind to heal a little more.
To say that this year, especially the last six months or so have been interesting is perhaps one of the biggest understatements can possibly think of. I am the first to admit that I could have done without half the things that happened this year. I have felt as though I were caged and bound, unable to affect anything that went on around me. I don’t go out nearly as often as I would like and most of the time it drives me crazy but I’ve learned a few things in my period of being stuck. For some reason when you’re waiting on a specific day to get here it helps to have someone waiting with you. Tattoos are far from comfortable to get but if there is a special memory attached the smile that comes afterwards is well worth the initial discomfort. It only takes a split second to realize just how important somebody in your life,and it is usually the split-second in which we are most afraid to lose them that we realize this. This year I have lost dear friends and seen hearts break in the space of time it takes me to blink.Sometimes it is enough to know would hold your hand and let you cry for as long as you need to even if distance prevents them from doing so and never make you feel bad even if you cry in their ear for an hour and a half or more and make absolutely no sense. I used Christmas because it is December but the same can be said of any holiday They are not about things you have (or shouldn’t be) they are about to people in your life.