So the closing of the year is upon us. Christmas has come and gone once again. This year has had its share of tears for many people, myself included. Occasionally you run into divider moments, events which lead to a person thereafter marking time as life “before” a particular event and “after” it. For me it has been one of those years. Life will never be quite the same again. Fortunately this year has brought with it happy changes to balance the sad ones.I’m still not quite certain why my life decided to take a 360 turn from where it was to wear it is but I’m glad it did. Our relationship model doesn’t make sense to most people and it doesn’t have to. Within the last year I have grown so much as a person that I almost don’t recognize my previous self. It may sound cliched but it’s true. I have a wonderful man and woman in my life and would not trade the for the world. Looking forward to a new year I hope everybody laughs more than they cry and makes an effort to take the time to pay it forward when good fortune comes their way.
I did grow up believing in Santa Claus after a fashion. My sister and I had pictures taken with him at the mall several times. However, by the time I was 10 I was almost certain that it was dad who ate the milk and cookies because they were often replaced with this special edition Oreo Christmas tins which coincidentally were sold at the grocery store dad worked for at the time. My parents have always stressed that giving of yourself, whether it be through a thoughtful gift or a caring action is the most important thing about the holidays.
I remember one Christmas when a neighbor across the street from us got burglarized the night after they had finished all of their shopping. The burglar took all of the presents, every last one of them. With less than a week before Christmas and all of their gift budget gone there wasn’t time or money to replace anything. Their four-year-old son would not have Christmas presents that year.
Unbeknownst to our friend my dad started to make phone calls and several mutual friends of ours stepped up in an effort to thwart the Grinch. The day before Christmas Eve our neighbor called. Someone had broken into their house but this time had left stuff… Wrapped presents of all things! Dad hung up the phone with a suspiciously satisfied smile.
When I was old enough to realize the truth about Santa and saving the Greens Christmas that year I wasn’t upset. I didn’t feel cheated, wronged, or lied to. I grew up knowing the historical background and so it was obvious to me that St. Nicholas had died a long time before I was born and when I pointed out this logic to my friends they told me something I will never forget. This spirit of Santa Claus has been around far longer than St. Nicholas or even Christianity. Santa Claus is the visual representation of the spirit of giving. More accurately, the spirit of giving without expectation, for no other reason than to be kind and thoughtful. I know what I will do my children if and when they ask about Santa. A gift does not have to be a physical material they and Christmas is not only for December. Anything that is given to or done for another person with a glad heart is a gift given in the spirit of Santa Claus and because you can choose to give such a gift at any time of the year every day had the potential to be Christmas for someone.
The woman I’m with is the jewel of my life, We have been through hell and back and then all over again. I have been a really ssucky girlfriend and a rough excuse for a friend at times. I deserve her in my life about as much as much I deserve to win the lottery which is to say not much in my opinion. She is a beautiful, amazing, who I will strive to show how much I care.
Well you know what they say about good intentions. They also say better late than never so I’m going to go with that one. In my defense, if I only need one, we have been preparing to drive Little Man in the local Christmas parade. The idea is more than a little intimidating because I’ve never done it before but it should be fun. We plan on taking pictures which I will of course post here in case anybody wants to see them. Just for clarifications sake Little Man is a horse and if you look at my “Important Things” page there is a picture.
I think my favorite non electronic item are blankets. I have many and I never go on a long trip without one. Just call me Linus. Yes people have actually made reference to the Peanuts character and I take no offense. I have poor circulation because of my disability so it is not uncommon to see me with a blanket even in the warmer months. There is also the added benefit that a blanket keeps a lot of the summer insects off me. When I thought about it I realized that my blanket collecting started because of a single Christmas gift., one I never expected.The year I was eleven my mom met a retired RN named Nancy. Nancy was the first Seventh Day Adventist I had ever met and she was also the only person I knew who ate only two main meals a day instead of three. She was the first vegetarian I’d met as well as the first parent of our acquaintance who home schooled her adopted daughter and foster children, all of whom had various disabilities. Nancy also ran a summer day camp for disabled children and adults and every year she held a camp Christmas party where everyone got a gift. That year I received a lap blanket with horses on it, on the underside of one corner I found a patch with the words, “handmade with love,” I cried, just a little.
That blanket is 16 years old this Christmas . It has been washed and dried numerous times. It has comforted sick and dying animals in our house as well as welcomed new life in between serving its original purpose of keeping my legs warm . The only difference from when I first got is the underside has gone nubby from many washings. The “handmade” patch is still there and in spite of 16 years of every day use it has not once suffered the indignity of a tear.
I plan on leaving it to my children or a niece or nephew one day. The great thing about love is that it compounds so that person that comes in contact with an object that has been passed down adds a little of themselves and a little more love.
I don’t like the color pink. Never have. It really irritates me to no end that pink colored things are automatically considered “girlie”. I used to become really annoyed when people who didn’t know me well would get me pink things for my birthday or Christmas because of course in my mind they should have had enough sense to ask my parents if I would like whenever they were planning on getting ahead of time instead of just assuming something. That being said I don’t remember ever throwing a tantrum over it but I probably did at least once or twice.I had a pink and yellow dragon which I absolutely adored and which fell into the Great Abyss of Toys In Need Of Mending when I was somewhere between nine and twelve years old. Several years ago I discovered a company which makes stuffed toys that can flatten out to be a pillow and hold a blanket inside as well . Because of my circulation issues I tend to collect blankets. On the website there were many different animals , each a different color or combination of colors . For reasons I still cannot explain I became enamored of the pink hippo. Perhaps it was a subconscious choice it was almost the exact shade of pink as the breast cancer ribbon and my mom was and still is dealing with it even though it appears to be thankfully nonexistent now. I’m still not exactly sure of my reasoning perhaps it is only because of the fact that a hippopotamus stuffed toy is not exactly a common find. In an epilogue of sorts since buying the hippopotamus , (which my boyfriend maintains is not a hippopotamus but a pig because hippopotami are not supposed to be pink) I have also brought a more conventionally shaded wolf which I also love dearly.
- Zoobies Blanket Pets Do Double Duty (Review) (formulamom.com)
In response to this blog post I decided to write this one. I don’t often get the time for uninterrupted writing hence the sometimes sporadic nature of my posting. On the relatively rare occasions I do get a significant amount of time to write I do have company, oftentimes in the form of my eight month old giant of a golden retriever Gideon but when he decides to take a break from being my muse to eat I have Wyatt the Wolf and Hadda the Hippo for company. Both are stuffed toys made by a company based out of Utah called Zoobie. I’m almost 27 and I still have stuff toys, so sue me if my inner child still get a say. These are stuffed toys with purpose. They are meant to be the perfect multifunctional travel companion for children. Yes, they are stuffed toys but, if you undo the Velcro tabs that hold their legs underneath them they flatten out to become the perfect travel size pillow. They even have a zipper compartment with a blanket inside which will cover a child, or a small adult in my case completely. The best car buddy ever in my opinion especially since the blanket stays attached it to the toy. I am a reasonably small person and because I don’t move around like an able-bodied person they really come in handy. If I had to recommend just one toy to get a child for Christmas these are it. They even have little small ones with teething rings for babies.
This line is a prompt only. As far as I’m aware I’m perfectly healthy and will live long past the next decade.
If you only had 10 more years to live, would you do anything differently?
Hell yes. For one thing I would be on the next plane to Istanbul Turkey the second my passport was official. I wouldn’t stay forever but definitely several months and deal with the chewing out about terrorism and Islamic extremist that I would get from my grandma later. I refuse to leave this planet without ever getting a hug from one of the most considerate people I’ve ever met, even if he is halfway across the world. I would definitely not be living in this house much longer I will tell you that for sure. And as much as I hate the cold I would probably go spend a few Christmases in places where they actually have a white Christmason a regular basis. I might actually attempt to get into ice skates again something I had done since kindergarten. I’d go see the original Starry Night, visit Italy and the leaning tower of Pisa .Who knows, maybe that magic fountain really does work?
You might think this will be a cheerful holiday post I wish that were the case, I really do. I believe I have used up all the cheer I had in the past few weeks. The holidays, especially New Year’s, remind me how alone I am. I know that my family cares, but sometimes it isn’t nearly enough.Almost everyone I know will make plans with someone for December 31. I will be here most likely on my own,watching as my computer counts down the last few seconds of a largely disappointing year. True there will be a champagne toast at midnight and probably more than a few bottle rockets shot off illegally within city limits, which most of the local police force will ignore for the sake of the holiday, but not much else If Christmas is about family then New Year’s is the time when you go out and do silly crazy stuff with friends, which may or may not include consumption of large amounts of alcohol. My problem is that most of the friends that are geographically closest to me, as well as closest to my age are now so involved in their adult life that even if they do promise to visit it rarely happens. I know that this is human nature and so I try not to hold it against them too much but knowing that the hurt that is clause is unintentional is a very poor Band-Aid with which to try and heal it. That being said, I sincerely wish you and your family a happy and prosperous New Year, may it hold more bright prospects and far fewer bitter pills to swallow them this year has.
I talked to my ex-boyfriend today, the one I started dating almost a year ago. Yes, the conversation was awkward at points, but at least we can still talk to each other, which is more than I can say for my high school boyfriend and I. The thing that is the most painful is that we both know we are so not “over” each other. We broke up because life started to overwhelm him and he decided it wasn’t fair to me to be with him when he felt that his life was going to be so uncertain in the foreseeable future. He says thought I should find someone else, someone better able to take care of me and love me. That would be easier if I honestly believed that he wasn’t in love with me still. I don’t believe that, not for one minute I am left with a hole in my heart, a best friend who would give the world to change it if he could, and an ex-boyfriend who I can’t bring myself to blame for any part of my misery, and so because I can’t, he blames himself. Where do we go from here? I have no idea at this point but I know I will not completely abandon him, no one deserves to face their inner dark place alone