Day 229: To the Stranger Who Asks “How does that work, ” for the 200th time

 

English: Illustration of the double moon symbol used by bisexuals who wish to avoid the use of triangles. This example is in the colours of the Bisexual Pride flag. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I am bisexual. I am lucky enough to have both a girlfriend and a boyfriend, who I adore.. This particular post is a rant concerning the attitudes of strangers to my girlfriend and I as a couple. Guys, if you ask me if I’m bisexual the answer is yes. If you ask me if I’m dating a girl the answer is yes. I am dating and intend to remain committed to one of the most beautiful, intelligent women I know. Yes, my boyfriend knows he’s dating us both. All of these questions I will answer politely and with grace.

What I will do is go into detail about my sex life with either of them. My orientation and choice of partners is not meant for anyone’s gratification beyond myself and my partners. No you CAN NOT watch us make out, and NO WE WILL NOT sleep with you. Why not?Here are just a few reasons

1. Bisexual is not the same as sex worker. Just because we like both doesn’t mean we’ll sleep with everybody.

2. I just met you, it is quite possible you’ve got something AJAX couldn’t scrub off. No thanks, I’ll pass.

3. Remember the boyfriend I mentioned? He doesn’t share with other men. He also doesn’t take kindly to either of us being harassed.

   We (women, bisexuals, people with disabilities poly folk, etc.) do not live our lives for the entertainment and curiosity of others. We deserve the privacy and respect anybody does. Next time you want to ask someone about their relationship ask yourself this: would you feel comfortable if a stranger asked you that question? If the answer is no the question is probably best left unasked, it’s that simple.

Day 218: Relationships And What I’ve Learned

What Have We Learned, Charlie Brown? (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

People who say relationships are easy probably haven’t been in a serious one yet. Every day there is conscious choice to continue. I am currently several states away from both of the people I care about and to say the separation is awful is a massive understatement. Love is beautiful and complicated. One of the things it took me a long time to learn is that sometimes the Princess has to work through some of her problems alone before her sweetheart (s) show up. I think that in order for relationships to work all parties must be comfortable with themselves before anyone else can be.

 

I admit that it has taken me quite a long time to get there. I do not mean that you have to like yourself all the time. Mostly you should know how to be honest with yourself even when it means acknowledging qualities in yourself that you would rather ignore. Somewhere I read a quote that says something to the effect of “love doesn’t show you a perfect person it allows you to see an imperfect person perfectly”. My girl has an Irish temper which drives me nuts sometimes. My man has patience 2 miles wide even people I would have given up on. He is also a self admitted ideogame junkie so sometimes creativity is necessary to get his attention. In

 

All of that aside they are the best thing that has ever happened to my life. This distance thing sucks but it is only a temporary condition. They used to think that the heart-wrenching I had gone through was pointless and only served to make me miserable but I realize now that everything that happened before this happened so this could work. I know myself better now and I communicate much easier than I used to though I am by no means perfect at it. I have learned the hard way that it is not a good thing to assume that your significant other can make your mind.

 

I don’t give relationship advice much mostly because I am unqualified to but the one piece of advice I will continue to offer if anyone asks is to communicate. If something bothers you tell the other person don’t keep it bottled up, if you do it will come back to bite you in the end. My man’s saying is “if I don’t know if it’s broke I can’t fix it”.

Day 151: To Thine Own Self Be True

CIMG1707 (Photo credit: Jared Hanson)

It’s truth time folks. This year I made a vow to myself to start living as authentically as possible, to live my life without caring what others may think This writing is yet another step in living as honestly with myself and others as I can. I have a boyfriend who I love more than words, written or spoken, will ever express. I will happily spend the rest of my life with him and hopefully somewhere in the future we will be be blessed with children together and make his son a big brother. I also have a girlfriend, or more precisely, WE have a girlfriend who we both adore. In case you are wondering there is a word for relationships like ours

. Polyamory (from Greek πολύ [poly, meaning many or several] and Latin amor/love) is the practice, desire, or acceptance of having more than one loving intimate relationship at a time with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved.

I am in no way suggesting that this relationship  model is this best for everyone. It isn’t, and that’s a good thing, it takes all kinds to make up this world .As always comments are welcome and appreciated. I do ask that any comments left at least make an effort to be civil

Related articles

• 5 common (mis)perceptions of polyamory (mzeve.com)

where do we go from here? A Christmas Day monologue

Image via Wikipedia

I talked to my ex-boyfriend today, the one I started dating almost a year ago.  Yes, the conversation was awkward at points, but at least we can still talk to each other, which is more than I can say for my high school boyfriend and I.  The thing that is the most painful is that we both know we are so not “over” each other.  We broke up because life started to overwhelm him and he decided it wasn’t fair to me to be with him when he felt that his life was going to be so uncertain in the foreseeable future.  He says thought I should find someone else, someone better able to take care of me and love me.  That would be easier if I honestly believed that he wasn’t in love with me still.  I don’t believe that, not for one minute  I am left  with a hole in my heart, a best friend who would give the world to change it if he could, and an ex-boyfriend who I can’t bring myself to blame for any part of my misery, and so because I can’t, he blames himself.  Where do we go from here?  I have no idea at this point but I know I will not completely abandon him, no one deserves to face their inner dark place alone