wake me up when September ends… or living in a night terror

When I was little mom tells me I used to have night terrors which are nightmares on steroids the are almost impossible to wake up from.  Apparently I used to scream bloody murder in my sleep and mom was powerless to wake me up.I’m pretty certain I am living through one as we speak.  I’m scared.  I’m suffering from a case of emotional overload or something and I don’t like it because it has the effect of making me very short tempered with most people at very unpredictable times  I have to force myself to make an effort not to let myself becomes someone I would absolutely hate.  I have started counting the days until the first of October.  Somehow I have convinced myself that if I can make it to the first everything will be okay and I will finally wake up from this horrible situation.  It feels something like hanging on a rock face without safety gear and trying to climb it with only the voices of a few very good but nonetheless very far away friends, whose helping hands though more than willing can barely brush my fingertips.  Still it is better than nothing and greatly appreciated.  Those voices and the constant encouragement they provide is the only thing keeping me sane these past few weeks.I feel as though I have been blindfolded with my hands tied behind me.  the only time I ever feel like myself anymore is while talking to them.  October is just around the corner and then I will wake up, at least I hope so.


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