a year after life, death, and Disney

it doesn’t surprise me one bit that I have thought about Anthony for most of the day considering that next month I’ll be 25.  A lot has happened since then, I finally met the man who will be my best friend until after I’m buried,my mother developed cancer, my father had a heart attack and my younger sister is graduating with a bachelor’s degree very soon.  I have clung to the edge of sanity with my fingertips.   Twenty five  is not nearly as scary as I used to be because at least now I see a light at the end of this awful tunnel, something good that might come out  of the snarled mess that has become my life. As much my heart would like to believe that things will get better from here because for once it actually looks like it might,experience has taught me the hopes warn on the sleeve are easily dashed on the street underfoot.  Some things haven’t changed though.  I am still a girl with a blue Rose and a Welsh name who will always be small enough to be a mouse.  The biggest surprise of this year is how much I have missed my Anthony.  It has been a long time since he walked out the door for the last time but lately it  feels as though his funeral was yesterday.  If I could hug him again I wouldn’t let go this time,he only died after I let him go so this time I wouldn’t.  It’s a completely ridiculous and selfish thought  but there it is. For your sake Anthony I hope heaven waited until after you got there to turn on the ‘No Vacancy’ sign  You don’t deserve the dark when you were a light in so many other people’s lives. I miss you.


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