day three: a resolve within a resolution

The Masquerade Mask

Last time I wrote it was about my fear of not living up to other people’s expectations of me, I forgot to include one person in that list, myself.  I am one of two siblings and the eldest of the pair.  My sister is two years younger but you probably wouldn’t know it if you met us on the street.  In a nutshell my sister has everything I want and have yet to achieve for myself.  My sister is graceful, lives on her own, (by that I mean lives far removed from our parents in a different state)has a job that I would give my left arm for working with a local theater Company.  I should mention that this job is singularly unattainable for me, due to the fact that my limited dexterity and mobility prevent me from being able to effectively use a sewing machine and the only thing I have ever been able to sew by hand are the holes in socks with the aid of a light bulb strategically placed within the sock to prevent the fabric from sliding away from me. I look at my sister and see everything I could possibly wish for in life.  She is coordinated where I am clumsy, outgoing in situations where I would feel extremely uncomfortable.  I don’t dare make comparisons between our physical appearances because several people would probably have my head on a pike if I dared say anything uncomplimentary about myself.

Suffice to say that I wish things were different, unfortunately they are what they are.  That having been said I will strive not to see the differences between us at every turn.  I shall not view myself as less than she is even if those differences are pointed out in rather sharp relief at points.  I do not blame my sister for who she is and therefore should not blame myself for who I am not.  Simply put, I am me and a life spent wishing I were someone else is pointless and wasteful.  Today I resolve to allow myself to be my sister’s equal and be grateful that it is impossible for me to be her exact clone.


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