day twenty one: a new understanding of arranged marriages

arranged marriage
Image by via Flickr

Use the phrase arranged marriages and say it in a positive manner and most modern people will gasp in shock and even if they’re polite enough not to say out loud most of them will probably be horrified that you would even suggest such an antiquated practice has merit.  I’m not saying that in some ways the idea isn’t horribly old-fashioned and outdated, in most cases it is.  I am merely saying that due to my unique circumstances I can easily understand why marriage used to be more about economics than emotion.Perhaps explaining my particular situation might help in understanding  my viewpoint.I am 25 years old and disabled.  In theory I can hold down a job of some sort, there is absolutely nothing wrong with my ability to think and communicate with other people.  In practice however, I have discovered that finding a job that I can accomplish in spite of my physical limitations and, more importantly finding a person who is willing to take the risk of giving me a job, is much harder than I was initially led to believe.  I’m currently working on a manuscript which although I have already put hours of work into it, is still nowhere near ready to see an editors desk.  Thereby if I wish start a relationship which will (hopefully) be long term one of the main considerations that goes through my head is can “insert perspective boyfriend’s name here” support two people with the income generated from his current job.I immediately f feel ashamed for giving voice to the thought,even though it is only in my head.  We are taught as children especially girls that nothing but love matters.  I have begun to see that that is a fallacy.  Love can conquer a lot of things, this is true.  I know from personal experience however there are many things that love, by itself cannot overcome no matter how much  people may wish otherwise.Love by itself cannot and does not guarantee security or a safe place to live. Love by itself can’t make sure that someone is able to eat their next meal.  You can love someone with all your heart and still be prevented from taking care of them.  Trust me,I’ve had experience with that one.

During the Regency Era and earlier economics was the prime motivation and consideration for women when getting married.  Since women were not allowed to hold jobs it was essential that whomever they married and be able to provide for them, in other words, they and their families had every reason and right to be picky.  I find it sad that our modern culture for the most part seems to frown on women who consider financial stability alongside of and sometimes slightly before emotion.  Some of us still do not have much of a choice.


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