Day 146: it’s the little things…..


English: Photograph of a Blue Morpho butterfly...
English: Photograph of a Blue Morpho butterfly (Morpho menelaus). Prepared specimen wingspan is approx. 10 cm (4 inches). Abdomen has been removed to prevent staining. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The past weeks and months have driven home a single point, life is short. The ones we love could be gone in a blink and we don’t get much of a say in when or how they leave.Say what you need to say as soon as you because you might wake up to realize the tine you thought you had is gone. So I felt the need to list some of the little things that my boyfriend  does that make me happy This is by no means the entire list.

  • Herefers to me as “his girl” on a regular basis.
  • He holds my hand in public.
  • He lets me play with his hair.
  • It doesn’t bother him that I sometimes really suck at feeding myself.
  • He bought my dog REALLY GOOD dog food.(yes that is a big deal to me.)
  • He likes to cuddle as much as I do.

Day:145 This ISN’T Goodbye

Sometimes you really can’t say enough. I can say that without your help it is very likely I wouldn’t have graduated high school with a regular diploma. I can say that you taught me to self advocate, how  to work within the disabled student system without letting it steam roll me and get away with things it shouldn’t, well before I actually had to in college, that was invaluable. You taught me to weave and even fixed a loom so that it was “handicap accessible.” That loom saved my sanity when I was in the hospital for a month. You made time for me and took me out just because. You cooked for me. We ate a sackful of hamburgers and talked until 2 A.M. I can write all of this and more and still not begin to say what you meant to my life. When the screaming and crying stopped all I was left with was an awful headache, a suddenly empty stomach,and shock. Now that the shock is wearing thin., I am left with….space. A void. I’m not going to ask why you left now, you always did things on your own timetable and heck with what others expected. Some people say that when you die you get to see yourself from the view of the people whose lives you influenced whether it was positive or negative you feel the emotional impact. I hope so because you’ve done me at least a lifetime worth of good. By the way you don’t have to worry so much, I’m ok . I have a good man who doesn’t give a damn about my chair or anything else related to my disability The universe didn’t just break the mold when they made you Nathan, they used a different wheel. You are always loved.