I think that most parents of children and adults with disabilities have gone through a grieving cycle at least once sometime after the definitive answer that their child will never be seen by the world as “normal.” I know my mom has and she tells me all the time that she asked for a child who would need extra help in some way. I don’t think my father has ever really stopped grieving and even though that makes our relationship difficult at times I know that he doesn’t love me any less,he just wishes life were easier for me.
I do not take offense at my parents’ grief and I will never think less of someone for mourning the loss of the more typical child they expected. When a family expects a baby they tend not to dwell on the idea that their kid might never learn to speak, feed themselves or walk. Even if there are genetic issues within the family that might come up, there is always the hope at least for a while that the child will not be touched by it..
When the expectation of a typical child goes away everything changes, Instead of where will they go to college? Its will they be able to keep up with kids their same age at all? The list goes on even to things as basic as will my child recognize me as Mom/Dad?
My folks and I got lucky. I can’t walk but I can talk I graduated high school with a 3.0 GPA and went to college. I now live in a different state from them.
- I told you that to tell you this: even though I accept my disability as part of me there are still things I grieve over I will probably never be able to cook alone so having a meal waiting when everyone comes back from work, school, errands,, etc. probably isn’t going to happen unless its take out.
- I will never be able to teach a cartwheel. (Having to tell a child who thinks you hung the moon and stars that you can’t show them how to do one really sucks(
- I can’t open soda bottles or cans. (Seriously? I’m almost thirty and they are not pickle jars)
- Someone else till cuts up my food when needed because I can’t use a knife and fork together. (Again, I’m how old and can’t do this?)
- I can’t go to the restroom without help. (Enough said)
Thea things(and a whole lot more I didn’t list( frustrate, irritate or just plain piss me off. Do not put me on a pedestal for just living life. Hopefully if I inspire you it’s is because of an accomplishment that doesn’t fall under the heading of day to day living