Image result for rain cloudsMy mother can tell you that I wrestled with anxiety and depression for years without the benefit of medicinal aid. She will tell you it sucked. How she and my sister never left sharp knives  or even forks in places where I could easily get them. At least once a week there was a solving meltdown and at least one month there was an argument about going to a mental professional. It’s not that I don’t believe mental health is a real and necessary aspect of well-being, I didn’t think less of people who have prescriptions to help manage their mental   balance. I just didn’t want to be the one taking the pills. It felt like admitting that I was, even more, an outcast. Mental illness on top of physical disability, who wants that label, especially in high school? I continued on in adamant denial until I was in college. I was having trouble getting my caregivers to show up on time so I can get to class. Many thought  I was just being a slacker and refused to believe me no matter what I said. This, of course, affected my grades and self-esteem. On top of this my very best friend, the one who got me through high school math and told me what I needed to know to successfully navigate having a disability in college, got Lyme disease, missed the window where antibiotics would kill it and was told that because of other health conditions as well as the Lyme disease he could expect a severely shortened lifespan. He would eventually die before I turned 30. Finding out my friend was sick was the straw that broke the camels back. I went to a doctor and said I can’t do this anymore I need help.

 

It’s  years later and I won’t tell you the medicine fixes everything all the time but it’s better. Some days still suck and there is not a single day where I don’t wish I didn’t need the extra help, but at the end of the day ,I like the post medicine version of me much better.To anybody struggling to come to terms with needing a prescription to help you be the best version of yourself, you are not alone and you are not weak no matter what someone else may say, especially if that someone else is in your own head. You deserve to be the best version of yourself you can be.

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