Day 398: I’m still here

I love technology, some days it makes me want to pull my hair out and scream bloody murder. I just spent 45 minutes arguing with my headphones because in less it is sitting just so in the headphone jack my speech recognition program doesn’t think it’s there, who knew software could be temperamental. I can type manually (as in with my fingers) but it is much slower as I do not have the coordination to touch type and must settle for using the hunt and peck method with one hand. It is very frustrating. I often snap at people when my tech decides not to cooperate. I’ve been fighting depression for months now because this year seems to have been one crisis or disaster after the next. The summer was mostly awful with the exception of a dear friends wedding. The highlight of the awfulness was definitely July when I was in the hospital for five days because of a blood clot and small ulcers. A blood clot and ulcers at 32 years old. I know exactly where the ulcers came from until last month there was a possibility that the house my family (myself, Oz, my parents, and my uncle) would go into foreclosure. It didn’t, thank goodness but it was definitely a stressful time. The icing on the cake is that one of my dogs died at the beginning of last month and Oz’s grandmother is in the hospital recovering from both a stroke and a broken pelvis and nobody in his family thought to tell us when it first happened. The bright spot that I’m holding out for is that my new service dog in training comes home in January. It’s a girl and I still haven’t decided on a name. I have seen video and she is the most adorable sausage I’ve ever seen. Her eyes and ears aren’t even open yet and I’m sure I may be driving the breeder a little nuts¬†because I message her at least once a week asking how the puppies are. She is very patient with my enthusiasm.

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5 thoughts on “Day 398: I’m still here

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  1. Oh dear sounds really tough and heartbreaking but I would say hold on as better days are coming right up the corner. I have been in this shitty space a year ago and couldnt wait for it to get over; it did with a bang and I have had plenty of successes and happiness since!!

  2. I am so sorry to read this,dear Rachel.
    ‘I understand what you are going through’ may sound cliche as each one’s struggle is different …..
    Just affirm that ‘This too shall pass’. This is just a passing phase and I am sure you would come out strong!”

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