I became an organ donor a few weeks after my 18th birthday when I went to the DMV and got my first date ID. Even before that at around the age of 12 I informed my parents that if I were to die unexpectedly while still a minor I wanted them to donate my organs so that some other child might get the chance to live longer even as my life was cut short. I believe that things like organ donation and giving blood are important. There are 6 billion people on the planet give or take and I believe we have a responsibility to each other because no matter our social and cultural differences we all have one thing in common: we are all human. In my childhood and adolescence I spent a lot of time in and out of hospitals for surgeries and other medical procedures. I have looked my own mortality in the face several times in the course of my life and is an awesome and terrifying experience. I have been on the receiving end of transfusions and watched people die from leukemia. I didn’t understand that bone marrow transplants reduced used to treat leukemia at the time my friend had it. If I had I would have gladly been tested to see if a graft from me might have helped him. In this modern world fear is ever the enemy. Fear of sickness, fear of pain, fear of dying. There should not keep us from being the best versions of ourselves that we can be. I have a challenge for anybody here thinks that Valentine’s Day is nothing more than an over commercialized paltry excuse for a holiday. This Valentine’s Day get directions to your local branch of the Red Cross, give blood. It can and does save lives I am proof of that. Go to the DMV, check the organ donor box I guarantee you the fact that you exist now won’t matter to someone. (It is worth noting that you can list organs that you don’t want used if you know that some are damaged.) Giving of oneself is a kind of love and it is a love that you do not need a significant other to experience.
I used to think that my life, my presence in this universe was pretty pointless. The day I gave blood even though I threw up all over one of the nurses in the process, I felt like a superhero. As I left the DMV with my newly laminated ID with a little check mark on the back I felt heroic. Just your average, ordinary, everyday superhero and I bet if you look hard enough you’ll find you have one too.
Well you know what they say about good intentions. They also say better late than never so I’m going to go with that one. In my defense, if I only need one, we have been preparing to drive Little Man in the local Christmas parade. The idea is more than a little intimidating because I’ve never done it before but it should be fun. We plan on taking pictures which I will of course post here in case anybody wants to see them. Just for clarifications sake Little Man is a horse and if you look at my “Important Things” page there is a picture.
Valentine’s Day is upon us. My life isn’t exactly where I’d like to be yet but it’s getting closer to it every day that passes. If the days sometime seem to crawl by slower than a zombie’s shuffle I can deal with that. Any progress, no matter how slow is better than the stalemate my life has felt like lately.
Since I still have to put up with really inconvenient state lines because life keeps throwing monkey wrenches into our plans (insert swearing in multiple languages) I am left with horribly inadequate words instead of the things I’d rather do on the holiday. At the risk of sounding trite this is the best I’ve felt in a long time. Some things are worth waiting for and this is one of them.
I never have been considered average so I suppose it makes sense that my relationships aren’t cookie cutter either. In spite of monkey wrenches I’m happier than I’ve been in quite some time and it can only get better. I love you John.
Well guys 2012 is here. A blank slate to do with what I want. 2011 was the year of unexpected things happening to me, mostly pleasant, some not so much. Today marks the start of the year that I make things happen. The biggest lesson the past year has taught me? Life is short and can be over in the space between one breath and the next…stop living the life that’s expected. Live the life that makes you happy, because in the end you are the one who lives with the regret if you don’t. So this year I’m living for myself. In almost 27 years I have a long list of regrets. No more. I’m not saying that all the choices I make will turn out exactly how I’d like but they will be mine and because of that I refuse to regret them. A lot of things will be said when I die but it will be said I lived it my way, even if that way seems unconventional to most people.
Its the day before Valentine’s Day.I’m not much of a fan to be honest. I’m no one of those who believes it was a holiday created only for commercial reasons, don’t worry. My reasons are much more personal and specific to me. I am somewhat socially awkward truth be told. I can hold a conversation on many things, the customs of medieval Europe and Britain for example. I can tell you who Valentine’s Day was named for and how he died and why. I can tell the original story of Cupid, for starters he’s a grown man not the childlike cherub so many people depict nowadays, though he did have an impressive set of wings.I can see through most of the plots and books and movies to the much older story that was the basis for whatever book or movie it is. The problem is that the people who appreciate that kind of knowledge are few and far between and people who are within 10 years of my age who carry that trait seem to be even more rare. The consequences of this is that I’ve been alone for a good portion of my life. I am more or less alone again this year. I struggle to convince myself that it can’t last forever but when February 14 finally creeps up on me and I’m still alone, it gets harder every year to believe that next year will be any different. In case anyone’s interested while most people will be doing something with their significant others tomorrow evening I will be watching a dog show with Mom most likely.
You might think this will be a cheerful holiday post I wish that were the case, I really do. I believe I have used up all the cheer I had in the past few weeks. The holidays, especially New Year’s, remind me how alone I am. I know that my family cares, but sometimes it isn’t nearly enough.Almost everyone I know will make plans with someone for December 31. I will be here most likely on my own,watching as my computer counts down the last few seconds of a largely disappointing year. True there will be a champagne toast at midnight and probably more than a few bottle rockets shot off illegally within city limits, which most of the local police force will ignore for the sake of the holiday, but not much else If Christmas is about family then New Year’s is the time when you go out and do silly crazy stuff with friends, which may or may not include consumption of large amounts of alcohol. My problem is that most of the friends that are geographically closest to me, as well as closest to my age are now so involved in their adult life that even if they do promise to visit it rarely happens. I know that this is human nature and so I try not to hold it against them too much but knowing that the hurt that is clause is unintentional is a very poor Band-Aid with which to try and heal it. That being said, I sincerely wish you and your family a happy and prosperous New Year, may it hold more bright prospects and far fewer bitter pills to swallow them this year has.
Tomorrow should be interesting. It is the first time in my whole life that we will not have a Christmas tree of any sort, or at least I think so unless someone decides to raid a tree lot while I am asleep for a Charlie Brown tree. Believe me my folks are just crazy enough to get away with it. I already know what I’m getting from my parents, a Kindle from Amazon.com, unfortunately due to the fact that mom got her check today and I swear there is not one to be had within a 20 mile radius of our house, yes they really do sellout that quickly, I will have to wait until next Thursday to get it. Oh well, a few days will not hurt me. I gave myself a present in the form of a new set of headphones with a working microphone to replace the one that has had the microphone busted for six months. Fortunately I have not been completely out of luck as my web cam has a built in microphone of its own. I have however noticed that my speech recognition works much better with a headset microphone.I am no longer being driven crazy with having to correct every third word or so. I went to see my cousins last week as one of them is about to tie the knot. I hope my cousin’s fiancé realizes that he is inheriting really crazy in-laws. I am also faced with the coming New Year, to say that this year did not go nearly as well as hoped for is a vast understatement. The only thing which seems to have gone anywhere near as planned was purchasing my bike and Little Man. I seem to receive more than my fair share of the short end of the stick. Since life doesn’t appear to want to give me much support in attaining my goals I refuse to wait for help which may or may not appear. In the coming year I will do what I must to get where I want to be and if the decisions I make in order to help me get there are unpopular with certain people I know, so be it. I refuse to let other people run my life even if they mean well, which most of them do. I’m a grown adult more than capable of making my own decisions. Not every decision I have ever made on my own has been stellar I admit that they are mine and should be inherently respected. in the coming year I will not allow anyone to dissuade me from a path just because they may not like what I am trying to accomplish, this does not mean that I will not listen to advice and weigh the merits of it, but do not assume that my decision will change just because you happen to disagree with me. I am not a rug to be walked over,nor is my voice easy to silence anymore. A friend that I have known for a very long time recently told someone that I have been very opinionated from a young age and did not mind telling you exactly what I thought. I believe it is time for that girl to make an appearance once again.
So it’s Christmas or at least it will be soon. I’ve been more than a little blue about the prospect I’ll admit. Then I had an epiphany. Many of the Christmas traditions that we are familiar with have roots in the pagan celebration of Midwinter Solstice. The burning of a Yule log is a good example of a “borrowed” tradition. In British/ Celtic pagan tradition Midwinter involved a large bonfire being lit, among other things. December 25th is largely considered the longest night of the year although the longest night this year is the 21st. Anyway, that bonfire I mentioned was meant to remind people that even at the darkest, coldest times of year Spring was still coming. All the days after that get progressively longer and brighter. So if like me you have been ambivalent about the upcoming holiday because the less than stellar economy has taken a large toll on your ability to feel festive, chin up, it will get better soon. That’s what the New Year is for, a fresh start. So I suggest putting on a warm coat and getting a cup of your favorite hot drink and brainstorming ideas about how to make the next year awesome. I bet you can lay some of the groundwork for your project now. If you can it will make you feel even better and help chase away the feeling that you’re doing nothing except a lot of waiting.
In case anybody wonders the post title came from track 105 on my Project Playlist account,the Glee cast version of Bust A Move.
Inspired by track 73 on my Project Playlist account. Christmas is fast approaching and even though it looks like it won’t be near as desolate as I once feared one fact remains, I will most probably spend Christmas alone. This is not to say that I won’t see my family, I will. As thankful as I am for them my most heartfelt wish is to spend the holidays with someone who loves me without the benefit of sharing my genetic materiel. I doubt if it will happen though. Santa Claus doesn’t do matchmaking, at least not in my case.
Winter is almost upon us and with that Thanksgiving and Christmas loom larger every day. This year Thanksgiving will be meager at best. With the lack of income this year Christmas is just another day in the calender . Seeing the profusion of decorations, ornaments and outdoor lights that are now in stores is just plain depressing… it’s hard to find joy a in holiday that you don’t have the means to celebrate. As the the leaves fall so do my spirits.